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Follow
Me Even Through Your Fears...And Trust Will Change Your Heart:
"Well, it looks like my time has come! Time to trust,
for sure, and believe that there's an opportunity
for growth here for me, and probably also having my faith
stretched. Rather than wait until we meet again, I could certainly
use your prayers now. I don't think there is ever a good time for
something like this to happen, but I sure think in my flesh that
I could come up with some better timing. But, that is what trust
comes in.
At least this is how I feel right now. I just got the news that
I have three choices...receive a cut in pay, find another job within
the company (none available) or leave the company entirely. I have
to remember that God is the "I Am" and
for whatever problem that comes, there is a solution in place. I
have an opportunity to see what I will trust in. And, right
now, my flesh is working me over.
Does God see this in his "helicopter view", with no past
or future? I must trust that now is the time and He has
a solution already defined for what He wants to see happen in me
through this.
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Deny Yourself...And Pick Up
Your Cross to Follow Me:
I am pressing on today. My heart is too full to keep it
all inside too long. It seems that I struggle with the simple--the
obvious. I'm embarrassed that I struggle at all. I see the path
clearly now, but yet I find myself questioning asking
for a different way. I keep thinking of ways to have
both my fleshly dreams and remain obedient to God,
but down deep it is known to me that it cannot be both.
I am in constant prayer and seeking to follow God as I struggle
to receive the confirmation, the faith, and the strength as I
face this defining moment in my Christian walk. Will I
be Saul and hear and then do only what is convenient for me? Or
the end of this test, will God say that He is sorry that
He put me in this place as He did Saul? These questions
shake me to the bone. I hope not, but still I know I am
weak.
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Following Him Changes the Heart from Hardened to Softened...And It
Makes You Become More Loving:
I have been asking for weeks why should I open my heart and
learn to endure the frustrations and even pain of learning to follow
Christ in my life. I can easily close my heart and not feel
at all. It is a whole lot easier to put on the image of the
strong, together Christian male. I even get acceptance from
others by calling it "being a man". I will not follow
this illusion any longer because this lesson has been going
on long enough for me that I know it is not the path that I am being
led down. But still why my questions.
This week I found out. It's because now love has more room to fill
my heart. I can feel what was not there before. I can know what I
have not known before. Not happiness, but rather Joy.
It is not that others don't care or love me or whatever. This is a
lie that I have believed for most of my life. The truth is that I
could not feel the love before, because in blocking the pain
I also blocked the joy. In becoming the John Wayne
image, I shut the doors to my heart. I have heard this and
academically understood it. Now, I understand it through these
simple "Follow Me " experiences, sensing what God
is doing to call me to trust and repentance one event at a time. It
is more real now. |
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It is Not They Who Are Well...But They Who Are Sick Who Need a Physician:
This I know for sure, if I follow the instructions I hear with my
heart, God is always working out things in ways that I do not understand.
It was this way when he worked out my marriage. It seems the same
today. I still fail to listen or obey in the midst and I always
feel anger, hurt and desperation throughout.
I am realizing that if I did not fail or feel, then it would
not be a trial at all and spiritual growth could not occur.
I am shaken with despair, but at the same time full of joy. My
world of control is upside down. My work is full of misery
yet my home is full of joy. We are closer together as we follow
God through such tough times. I did not cry in ten years and now
I cry to my God sometimes daily. The simple has been made complex
and the complex seems simple. I am helpless, but somehow
I am starting to see the helping hand of God in my life.
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I am Getting It... Or At Least I'm Starting To.
This discipleship process is just really starting to click because
God himself is showing me how this process works.
We are not in charge of the effectiveness of our witness, our ministry,
our growth, or anything else. Our job is to draw near to Christ,
to know Him more. It is the reason we should pray,
read His word, go to church, etc. Even our efforts to pray, read
His word, and to go to church cannot produce what we think it should
or will. God is in control. He is in control of our growth
and the influence we have on others.
I get defensive when you say our efforts to pray
and do Bible study aren't what produces change. I think, "Hey!
Don't talk about Bible study like that! That's like talking about
my mama! I LOVE Bible study." But what God is showing
me is to keep praying, to keep studying His word---but for
the purpose of drawing near to Him, and not to
grow myself spiritually. He deeply desires for us to come
closer and closer to Him, yes, but He works in our life how he wants.
He has shown me so many things lately to tie together what I am
learning in through Quantum L.E.A.P. Discipleship, and other avenues
God is orchestrating in my life. Just when I thought I had
something to do with my own spiritual growth, WHAM! God
suddenly shows me areas where my life has influenced someone else
completely without my knowledge, areas where He has changed me without
any effort on my part, and circumstances He is working in no matter
how many hours I spend or fail to spend "in prayer and Bible
study." Does God want me praying? Yes. Does He want me in His
word? Yes. But why? Because it is my pleasure and joy to be in relationship
with Him. He will work in my life and through my life however He
chooses...and He is through this process!!
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